First off, I hope everyone is safe and keeping healthy. These may be uncertain times but you will agree that it has forced us to slow down and re-evaluate. To re-think our lifestyles, to focus on ourselves and on the things that matter to us – things that we usually aren’t able to prioritise.
I’ve come to find a new inner strength. I’ve learned patience and resilience.
It’s been a while since I last wrote – and though I’ve been journaling my thoughts, I haven’t been able to share them with you. I thought I’d quickly share an update with you of the last couple of weeks.
Juggling work and prepping for the baby simultaneously has been a rollercoaster ride. I think that kind of makes us working moms already, right? I mean we’re juggling work and the arrival of the baby! Haha.Work has been super busy, which is great. We’ve launched a new collection which is now live on the website. We’ve also moved into a new studio space.
Recently we participated in our first out of city exhibit in Chennai and were over the moon with the response. I remember I was nervous to the pit, I didn’t know whether this would prove to be a good decision at all. I was definitely taking a leap of faith. But to my surprise, it turned out better than expected. We nearly sold out by early evening.
Apart from work, I began planning for the baby’s arrival. Making lists and excel sheets and my favourite part, planning our baby-moon. We planned to go to Austria first and then head to London for a week to shop for the baby.
I was also planning a godhbharai (traditional Indian baby shower).
Sadly though, the current situation has dampened all of my plans. As selfish as this may sound, I find myself feeling resentful, angry and just upset. There is no one I can blame for this situation and that makes it more difficult for me to deal with everything. I feel cheated and wronged. This is my first baby and I had so many fun things lined up, so many celebrations and now everything is on hold. And in the most likelihood, could get cancelled. I spent my first 5 months focused on work, seeing that everything was in autopilot by month 6 so that I could focus on the baby and travel. But clearly my big plan has failed miserably.
As I sat one evening sipping tea on the balcony, a day into the lockdown, I had a small realization. One that really put things in perspective for me. I understood that even in such hard times, I had so much to be thankful for – I was at home, my baby and I were both safe and well taken care of. We were surrounded by family and had everything we needed. And I was able to work out of the comfort of my home. These were luxuries, given the current situation, where there are people struggling to make ends meet and have to worry about where their next meal will come from. And not to forget those battling the virus and their families who now live under a cloud of uncertainty.
I realised that the fact that I could spend my time, in the middle of a pandemic, being upset about things that didn’t matter in the larger picture, was my privilege. One that not many had.
And while the world now found itself at the mercy of a deadly virus, I found myself hitting the panic button. To be pregnant or have just delivered in the midst of a pandemic is far from ideal. Is the baby going to be safe? Is there any chance of the baby contracting this disease post birth? Is it possible that I won’t know I am a carrier and will somehow transmit this to the child? A case that I read about in London, spoke of a child who tested positive to Covid-19 shortly after birth. So then, am I being safe and careful enough?
As I begin slipping deeper into the clutches of the internet, the paranoia only gets worse. There are so many stories of women from around the world and their experiences of delivering in the midst of this pandemic and while they are scary, most seem to have ended well for both mommy and child. Yet, I don’t think I’d like to find myself in any of these situations.
I am due in July and hoping that things settle down by then. I’ve been lucky to have friends that I could talk to about how I’m feeling. Some of them have delivered in the last two weeks and have spoken of their own challenges – like grandparents not being able to visit the baby or help unable to show up.
But talking to friends has helped. It has given me a sense of security. And if you are in the same boat, either just delivered or due to deliver soon, reach out, let’s chat.
This is the time us mommies need to stick together the most. I just want you to know you aren’t alone, I’m also as nervous!
I am literally sitting here writing this blog post and simultaneously emailing online stores asking when they might be able to deliver at the latest. I am calling stores in the city to ask if they stock the basic things I will need when the baby is here. I was so dependent on my trip abroad that I hadn’t looked at local options.
I just want to end by saying that even in the midst of this negativity and chaos, there’s a lot to be grateful for and a lot of things we can do while we stay safe.
I’ve been doing some fun stuff while under lockdown which I’d love to share with you! Maybe another post?
Until then stay strong, stay safe!
- Veronna D